Damn damn damn damn damn....
As a kid there are a few things you don't want to hear about your parents.
A year ago I heard one of them. "Cancer." My dad had a laryngectomy. He no longer speaks and has a hole in his throat to breathe. He's just starting to use an electrolarynx to try to communicate.
Today I heard more words that you don't want to hear.
"Hospice Care" and "Six months".
Crap. The end is coming and I just can't put anything into words. I knew this day would come. I thought there was more time - time that can't be made up.
At least both of my parents handled all of this very well. Dad didn't want chemotherapy, so he knew the consequences. The cancer has spread to the lymph nodes around his neck. Chemo would just slow it down or maybe halt its growth. Is it worth it to be violently sick for month to extend your life by, what, maybe and additional 6 months? Delay the inevitable and be miserable? He has no pain, he hasn't lost weight, he doesn't have any breathing problems. He's just old - 88. There's no doubt about it in my eyes - he knows. He really liked the idea of hospice care, and he actually smiled when there was discussion of being at home "when the time comes". Mom just liked the concept of having people come to the house regularly and not having to go to Loyola on a regular basis.
Me - I'm numb. Everything inside my brain says this is right. I understand everything. It all makes sense. This is expected. This isn't a surprise.
Then why does my heart hurt?
2005- Cheap Mexican
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2004- White Sox 1 - Red Sox 10 - ELVIS NIGHT!
2003- Big Brother 4 - Episode 20
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- Virus bastards!