THEME
"Cheaters Never Win and They Cheated!"

And another season of one of the best Reality TV shows begins... After the obligatory introduction of the 12 teams, host Phil Keoghan goes over the rules (13 legs, 9 Pit Stops...) with the teams at their starting point - Center Field at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles. The teams race for their bags near the warning track, grab the first Route Info on top of their bags, and proceed through the Center Field fence to waiting Mercedes SUV's in the parking lot. The clue" "Get yourselves to Milan, Italy. Once you're there, find the Route Marker inside the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II ...". There's $200 for the leg, and there's only 3 specific flights to take. OK, if the parking lot is any indication of what's ahead, we're in trouble. Some teams can't even get out of the parking lot. The Models (Tiann & Jaree) have to get a new car - the back hatch won't stay shut, and somehow don't seem to be too rushed to get to the airport. No one seems to know how to get to LAX (Team ATC - Air Traffic Controllers Steve & Dave - from Chicago figure it out by looking up in the air and watching the planes on final!), not to mention what appears to be some pretty poor driving. The Flights are Swissair at 2:55 that can carry 4 teams arrives at 1:15pm, Lufthansa at 2:55 that can carry 3 teams, but arrives 40 minutes later at 1:50pm, and KLM at 3:50 carrying 5 teams. At LAX, Josh (of Steve and Josh) realized that these other other gentlemen (Team ATC) were Air Traffic Controllers, so he wanted a little alliance with them and got them their tickets (the last ones for the Swissair flight) ahead of Team NFL (Monica & Sheree) who were right behind Josh in line, forcing the ladies to go elsewhere, and prompting tonights quote that is the title of the episode. Everyone leaves the country.

The Swissair flight arrives at 1:40pm, while the Lufthansa flight arrives at 1:50pm. It's a dash to the Galleria. One things for sure - The Forum Shops at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas is definitely modeled after this place. The Route Info at the Route Marker says to search the Galleria for tickets for a charter bus, that leaves at 2am, 4am or 6am, and they only need to search the common area (which is over a mile of shops). Once they find a ticket and take it, it's theirs and they cannot exchange it. Well, these things were not easy to find, with two locations being in small crevices between a wall, and another underneath a railing around some al fresco seating at a café. At 3:20, the KLM flight arrives and now everyone is eventually looking for tickets. (Oh, BTW, one highlight of this episode is the repeated falling on their face of many different team members. I don't remember seeing this so much throughout the other 3 seasons!) The teams gravitate to the Hotel Nuovo to try to get a room for the night. Team Media (Debra & Steve) don't like the room rates, so they leave to "think about it". When they return later, the rest of the teams are there as take up the last rooms. Reichen & Chip decide that they would share the room with Debra & Steve. In an unusual event, later in the room, Steve breaks down and cries for not taking the room when he did. An awful sense of foreboding envelopes the scene. Meanwhile, Russel & Cindy "negotiate" a park bench in a plaza. Sniping ensues.

At 1:55am, teams start arriving to board their busses. Hay, wait a minute... where are thy going? They don't know. They are going into the Dolomite Mountains to the town of Cortina D'Ampezzo. The Route Info there says to goto Cinque Torri and go to the top via chairlift and find the Route Marker. The Route Marker is a Detour - "Search" or "Rescue". In "Search", teams get a locater beacon to search 160 acres of snow to find a signal under the snow, which is a set of keys for a snowmobile which they can drive to their next clue. In "Rescue", teams make their way to the huge rock "towers", crossing a 4-steel-cable alpine rescue bridge and using a zip line to get across a 250-foot ravine. No one choses "Search". Team ATC has problems after the crossing, when going down the hill to a route marker,

Team NFL goes for the Fast Forward and gets it by snowshoeing to a Route Marker on a hill in "nearby" Passo Giau. They now go directly to the Pit Stop - the Hotel Lajadira.

Now the moment of the night is when Team Date (Amanda & Chris) are coming down from "Rescue". Amanda is lagging behind and perhaps even whining just a little when Chris turns around and yells at her: "C'mon, Flo!" Whining and swearing ensues...

Team ATC, coming down from "Rescue" has a critical moment - Dave's knee buckles, significantly stalling and slowing their progress.

At the pit stop, three teams jump on the mat together - Team Virgin (Millie & Chuck), Team Date (Amanda & Chris), and Steve & Josh ( I haven't come up with a name for them yet). Phil looks a little confused, as if he's not sure he should say this, but tell them anyway that they've won a Trip to Hawaii from American Airline's website "which you can enjoy after the race". Team NFL shows up in 4th (remember - 3-way tie for first, no 2nd, no 3rd). Team ATC hobbles in in 5th.

The Models don't look like they're holding together very well. There's tension between Tiann, who seems a bit motivated and intense and Jaree who really acts like "Race? We're in a race???" This is evidenced as Jaree flirts with a shop owner and gets some free coffee - which she winds up not drinking because Tiann has been outside trying to get a cab and is finally successful.

Oh - another moment Team Clowns (Jon & Al) show up on the mat with red clown noses! (they finished 7th).

The "race" at the back of the back is actually "tight" between Team Media (Debra & Steve) and The Models (Tiann & Jaree). Debra is "freaking" on the Alpine bridge - her face is almost as white as the snow. It's a little tense as The Models go onto the bridge with her and pretty damn near push her out of the way at the end. Lots of careful editing follows the last two teams to the Pit Stop. Alas, Team Media slowly walks onto the mat, as Phil tells Debra & Steve that they are the last team to arrive. He's sorry to tell them that they've both been eliminated from the race.

Next week: snow rafting, Venice, and a Road Block that looks like it's from Eyes Wide Shut...