THEME
"We're Not at Charm School Learning to Be a Gentleman, We're Racing"

The teams leave from Manukan Island in Malaysia. At 2:05am, Jon & Al and Chip & Reichen depart by taking one of those boast they used on the last show to go back to the Boat Jetty in Kota Kinabalu, then grab a taxi to go to Poring Hot Springs 78 miles away and follow the flags to the next route marker by walking a series of rope bridges over 100 feet above the ground.(Oh, and they have $130 for this leg of the race). Millie & Chuck depart at 2:19am. The cab rides are a tad bit treacherous, as cattle have a tendency to sleep in the middle of the roads at night.David & Jeff depart at 2:50am, and Kelly & Jon depart at 3:36am.

Chip & Reichen are the first to arrive at Poring Hot Spring at 5:02am, but the place doesn't open until 6:30am. Jon & Al show up. Millie & Chuck show up. Kelly & Jon... aren't there yet. (There's a shot of Millie, yawning like a rooster, when you can hear the sound of a rooster crowing in the background. Weird.) The gates open at 6:30am and the teams rush in, with Millie & chuck stripping their backpacks and running toward the rope bridges, Chip & Reichen were right behind, followed by The Clowns. THe Road Marker tells then to chose a marked car (another SUV) and drive 145 miles to the Trushidup Palm Oil Plantation. Everyone starts to leave the rope bridges as Kelly & Jon arrive (but wait as Jon has to, um, relieve himself in the bushes before they go in! The groups pass Kelly & Jon on the way out, so they try to backtrack where the people were coming from, but without a lot of luck and get lost. The teams have a lot of problems with fogged-up windshields in the early morning sun. (In fact, the cameraman with David & Jeff had his lens all fogged-up as well). Chip turned on the defroster as soon as they got into the SUV so they were able to pull around the pack that had pulled over trying to clear their windshields. In the meantime, Kelly & Jon are still trying to find flags to follow at the Hot Springs. Millie & Chuck haven't slept well in days, and both of them are falling asleep while driving! Kelly & Jon still can't find flags. Jon runs ahead and yells back to Kelly who's off camera in the jungle "Let's, go Kelly, this is it I can see it." "Shut up!" you can here her yell back. "I see it!" "You do not!" she yells again from the underbrush. Then Jon stops and says slowly "Kelly? Move your ass. Now." Kelly comes running up and they run the rope bridge, get the clue and Kelly tells Jon to "Just open the Fast Forward, don't even bother opening the other thing." We sort of have to wait for Phil to tell us what the Fast Forward says because Jon mangles the words so badly you don't have a clue. Phil starts to tell us what's going on with the Fast Forward when you notice that he's in the middle of the jungle... and there are orangutans on a platform behind him in the distance. To use the Fast Forward, the teams have to drive over 140 miles to the town of Sepilok and find the world famous Sepilok Orangutan Rehabilitation Center, home to last last wild orangutans in northern Borneo. Then they will have to hike deep into the forest to a feeding station, a each has to feed two pieces of fruit to the orangutans to claim the Fast Forward. (hey, you know what? This place looks familiar... I think Julia Roberts was here doing a documentary for PBS a few years ago...) As Kelly runs to the SUV, she says "if somebody claims this, we're screwed. This is it. It's do or die now." Meanwhile, Chip & Reichen realize that they just may have been on the wrong road, and realize that, by accident, they're heading to the Fast Forward, and decide to do it.

In the meantime, Jon & Al have reached the plantation and have found a Detour - "Chop" or "Haul". In "Chop", teams must must use local tools to chop down palm nut bunches with clue envelopes attached. However, for every one envelope with a clue, there are three that are empty. In "Haul", teams must use a wheelbarrow to carry 25 palm nut bunches to a corresponding truck. The nut bunches are sharp and cumbersome, so getting it done could take some time. When their truck is fully loaded, it will drive away revealing their clue. Jon & Al choose "Haul". This looks like hell. The bunches were heavy and had sharp points. Trying to heave these nut bunches into the back of the dump trucks was hard and almost looked dangerous when they would roll back out and fall to the ground.

Millie & Chuck are driving around trying to find the plantation. They stop at any plantation they see, looking for directions. She can't read maps well (and she isn't driving) so they're just not sure where they're going, even after they get directions. David & Jeff pull into the plantation, and didn't see a route marker box. Well, there's a good reason for that as Jon & Al found out - the clues are in a wheelbarrow in the middle of the road. David & Jeff drove right on by and had to turn around. They stop by THe Clowns and ask "Hey, Dudes, where's the clue?" Al points straight ahead and says "Right up there, off to the right". The drive right buy - again They yell out "Al! Where?" Where?" "On the wheelbarrow" which is now behind them. "The first wheelbarrow?" "The green one!" I think they finally saw it behind the SUV. They get out "Oh, this one!" and mention that Jon & Al were really cool in helping them. They also choose "Haul". Jon & Al get their 25 bunches loaded and get a clue - using their map they have to drive 35 miles to Gomantong Caves for the next Route Marker.Kelly & Jon are still driving to the Fast Forward. Chip & Reichen arrive at the Sanctuary and hike 20 minutes into the forest.

Millie & Chuck arrive at the plantation. Millie wants to do "Haul", and they start to do it. After getting one bunch loaded in the dump truck, Chuck doesn't think they could do this. And go to see what "Chop" is all about. After a quick try at chopping palm branches (a very quick try), Chuck decides they should do "Haul".

Chip & Reichen arrive at the orangutan feeding station, and were able to feed the orangutans. They get their Fast Forward pass and now have to go to the Sepilok Nature Resort. Hmmm... that sounds like it's right there. Millie & Chuck ar trying to work together. Millie wants to help by tossing nut bunches to Chuck, but they're pretty damn sharp and spiny, so Chuck doesn't want her doing that.Millie wants to do everything fast. Chuck heaves a nut bunch onto the dump truck which rolls off and almost kills their cameraman. They finally get their 25 bunches loaded and get their clue and leave.

Kelly and Jon arrive at Sepilok as Kelly is trying to teach Jon how to pronounce "orangutan". They pull up, go to the baskets of fruit... and find a red tag that says "SORRY Fast Forward Taken - Pick Up the Race where you left off". Whoo boy. They climb back into the SUV and drive off as Kelly says "You're always right, I'm always wrong. We're done. *sigh*" To which, Jon, who's had enough of this, lashes back with "Kelly, go f*** yourself!" Kelly is all "What did you just say to me? What did you just say to me? I'll tell you what, Jon, you're walking a thin line. This was a chance that we decided to take, but YOU will not talk to me like that." She throws the map and gets out of the car. Wait - where are they that she could just walk off on him??? After a commercial break, she's back in the car and they're driving through the Malaysian jungle. They're still fighting, though. Jon is the person that says the title of the show.

Somehow, Millie & Chuck go down the road in the opposite direction of the sign for the Gomantong Caves. Since the only see the backside of the sign, they continue down the road in the wrong direction. Jon & Al pull into the cave parking lot and run inside. They get to the Route Marker and find a Roadblock - "It's time for the ladder part of the race." In this Roadblock, [that] person has to climb one of [these] two traditional rattan ladders to a point where they will be dangling 50 feet above the stone floor of the cave. Locals do this to collect birds' nests to make Birds Nest Soup. The teams will be doing it to get [this] basket and retrieve a clue from inside. Al says Jon will do it. Jon goes up the ladder, but the rungs ar far apart and he says in a voice-over that there's so many birds in the cave, that the rungs are slippery from the bird poop. Great.
David & Jeff arrive at the road to the caves, making sure there wasn't a Route Marker box that they missed. Jon gets the clue and gets down the ladder. The clue says to drive to the Pit Stop, the Sepilok Nature Resort. Phil shows the place, and there's even the obligatory zoom-in to The Amazing Bathmat. Jon & Al pass David & Jeff ("The Goats") on their way in. Chip & Reichen find their way to the Pit Stop. Phil tells them they're "Team Number 1" and they've won a vacation to "festive Latin America" (and where exactly is that?) from American Airline's website that they can enjoy after the race. David & Jeff hit the Roadblock, with David doing the climbing.

Millie & Chuck cross a bridge over a river and Chuck asks Millie if she sees water on the map, and they have to stop and try to get more directions. Kelly & Jon make it to the plantation. Kelly wants to do "Haul" and forces Jon to do it. David gets out onto the ladder and get their next clue. Kelly & Jon have a discussion about putting the nut bunches "in the appropriate truck". Their wheelbarrow says "5" and Kelly says that the truck says "C". Well, yes, it says "C" all right - right next to the hand printed "5". They look for another truck. They leave the wheelbarrow and go cut some palm branches. The first nut bunch they drop has a "Try Again" inside the clue envelope. Millie & Chuck are still lost, still asking locals for help. Jon drops the second nut bunch and they get a real clue. They start driving to the caves. Millie and Chuck ar now driving in the correct direction and see the sign that they passed hours ago. Chuck even asks "Isn't this where we came out?" They realize just how much time they've killed by going the wrong way. All of a sudden, Millie & Chuck and Kelly & Jon arrive at the caves at the same time and the adrenaline kicked-in. Everyone ran to the Roadblock. Jon & Chuck head up the ladders at the same time. In the meantime, Jon and Al arrive at the Pit Stop as "Team Number 2". Jon gets down the ladder first and the two teams run their asses off to their SUV's. Kelly & Jon are pumped.

Millie & Chuck don't know where they're going. They follow Kelly and Jon. Millie is almost crying as she pleads with Chuck to read the map because she can't do it. David & Jeff arrive as "Team Number 3" at the Pit Stop. Kelly & Jon try to shake Millie & Chuck by passing other traffic, and Chuck has trouble shifting. Millie gets her inhaler out and they get ready for a final sprint. THey hit the resort and there's a sprint.

The music swells, and here comes Kelly & Jon as "Team Number 4".

The mind starts reeling... At the beginning of the show, you realize Phil did it again - "Who will be eliminated... next." Every time some one reads the clue to get themselves to the Pit Stop, not one of them says "last team checking in will be eliminated". Phil doesn't say that that the last team arriving at the pit stop will be eliminated.

But then you realize that Phil has been saying the teams are "Team Number 1" and not "you're the first to arrive" like last week. Huh? What? Wait! And then Millie and Chuck arrive last and Phil tells them that they've been eliminated from the race!!!!

Next week: Swimming under ice in Korea, Reichen eats live baby octopus and Jon & Al take a wrong turn and pass a line of tanks on the way to the North Korean border!!!! AAAAUUUUURRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!