THEME
"He's a Few Ticks Away from Having a Heart Attack!"

Well, we're still at the Mooloolaba Yacht Club in Australia, site of last week's Clown Carnage and The Chipsters Penalty.

David and Jeff depart at 10:41pm. Teams must now more than 80 miles to the town of Ferny Hills, find the Australian Woolshed and search through one of these giant piles of wool for their next clue. The teams get $1 for this leg of the race. Guess there's no cabs, no hotels - no international travel this leg. Jon and Kelly depart at 10:59pm. Reichen and Chip depart at 11:33pm. (wow, Jon & Al must have finished around noon then). Ferny Hills must be small because teams are having trouble finding it - in the case of Kelly & Jon, even with a map. Team Who? arrives at the Woolshed first, and find that the Hours of Operation are 6am to 4pm, Team Mean (Kelly & Jon) arrive 2nd, the Chipsters arrive last. All decide to sleep in their SUV's until the morning (they have about 4 hours). I have to call them Team Mean only because they're mean to each other and what they say behind the backs of the other teams (and, at times, to their faces) is just mean. So, the teams are all bunched-up again when the gates open at 6am and the teams take off. OK, there are sheep and Wallabies here? What kind of place is this? They take off sprinting trough the facility and find a shed with three huge piles of wool. The teams rip through the piles. For once, the producers really took their time and really camouflaged and buried the clues. This wasn't easy. Jon find the clue, and he and Kelly quietly run away and open it away from the others. Teams must now drive themselves to Brisbane Airport and fly more than 1,000 miles to the city of Cairns. When they land, they'll chose one of these cars (looks like Toyota Land Cruisers) and drive to Wild World Tropical Zoo , where they'll find their next Route Marker. Team Mean takes-off. The boys keep looking. Team Who winds up going back through their piles because they missed the clue. Reichen finds their clue, whispers that he has it, and The Chipsters leave. Team Who still searches.

Team Who? finally find the clue and leave. Kelly & Jon pull into the Thrifty Car Rental parking lot at the airport (Thrifty has Mercedes SUV's?) at about 6:55am. They go inside to Qantas Ticketing and get on the 7:45 flight to Cairns. The other teams show-up and they all get tickets for the same 7:45am flight. At the Cairns Airport (which looks like it had just rained) the teams jump into their SUV's and take off. They tailgate each other down the highway. Kelly & Jon, in the lead, use a woman in a silver car to help box-in the other teams from passing. Jon narrates that this is getting to Chip (who is driving and trying to get around him) and the says the title of the show in reference to Chip. They find Wild World and park by the marker. There are 3 numbered tags on the Route Marker box (obviously to claim who does a task first, second, third). The clue is this year's product placement task: Teams must now follow the marked path to the crocodile pen. One team member will chose a feeding stick and feed a fish to the 15-foot crocodile named Sultan while the other teammate takes a picture with a Kodak Easyshare Digital Camera. Only one Team may perform this task at a time. Once Sultan has been fed and the picture had been taken, teams must find the souvenir shop, where they'll develop their picture at a Kodak printer dock and receive their next clue. (OK, we'll ignore the reference to "develop" a digital camera image. They're just printing them.) Kelly & Jon, the ones that pulled #1, leave with a curator. But now we see a table next to the Route Marker box that has 3 digital cameras on it. We see the other two teams. Then we see one camera on the table. David says to Jeff, as they're walking down the path "don't let them see this" and they hide the camera. Jeff realizes, as they walk behind Kelly & Jon that they don't have a camera! Team Mean get to the croc pen and we hear Kelly say "Where's the camera? Jon. Jon! Don't have the camera." They take the humbling walk back to the Route Marker. In an argument on the way Kelly asks Jon why he's blaming her. Oh, I don't know, maybe because she's taking the picture and she would need a camera for that. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. So, David feeds Sultan while Jeff takes the picture and they run to the souvenir shop. Chip feeds Sultan, Reichen takes the picture, and they're on their way to the souvenir shop. David & Jeff have docked their camera and are reading the instructions on how to print. Team Mean is back at the croc pen with the camera. Jon feeds Sultan, Kelly takes the picture and they leave. (I don't understand why the curator throws something like a small rock at the croc first - probably to get his attention.) Reichen at the souvenir stand docks his camera in the printing station. Jon gets there and docks his camera. Reichen looks puzzled, and he re-docks the camera. Team Who? gets their picture printed. The back of the paper says Make your way to Wangetti Beach for your next clue. Phil explains it anyway: Teams must now drive themselves 15 miles to secluded Wangetti Beach where they'll find their next Route Marker. Thanks, Phil. David & Jeff leave, followed by Kelly & Jon. Reichen finally figures out how to print an image and The Chipsters leave. (Here's a map for you - the zoo was in Palm Cove and they have to go to Wangetti Beach). Team Who? hits the beach, get the clue and find that it's a Detour - "Saddle" or "Paddle". Phil, over to you: In "Saddle", teams must explore this one-and-a-half mile stretch of beach on horseback and find one of four Race flags. They'll then search within a 25-yard radius for a cluster of clue envelopes. However, only one of the clusters contains the actual clue; the other three instruct teams to try again. The task won't be physically demanding, but searching the beach for the right cluster could take a long time. In "Paddle" teams have to inflate their own kayak and then paddle to an orange buoy to get their next clue. The task requires a good deal of energy, but the clue will be easy to find. Team Who? choses "Saddle". Kelly thinks they just past the turn-off for the beach. Guess what? The Chipsters pull into the beach parking area, get the clue and chose "Saddle". Jon pulls up to a road construction flagman and find out they've gone too far and have to turn around. Surprised? I didn't think so.

David & Jeff go to the right (south?) and Chip and Reichen go to the left (north?) down the beach. The Chipsters find a cluster, but it's not the real ones. The go further down the beach to another marker. It's another "Sorry. Try Again.". Team Who? finds a flag, find the cluster of clues, and actually find the correct cluster! Teams must now drive themselves 35 miles to the town of Julatten and look for Off Road Rush, an adventure sports company where they'll find their next Route Marker. Kelly & Jon pull into the beach parking area. They also choose "Saddle". They also notice that The Chipsters are coming from left, passing them, and going to the right. Team Mean actually see this and deduce that the clue has to be to the right since The Chipsters must not have found it to the left. Team Who? and The Chipsters pass each other on the beach. It seams that Team Who? isn't the greatest riding horses, but they're te first ones that leave the beach. The Chipsters get their clue and leave. Well, they try to leave, but Chip drives the SUV over Reichen's foot while they're still in the parking area (Chip started the car while in gear and without having the clutch engaged. Nice going. Drive a manual much?) We then see the first name-calling argument between the boys. Twelve legs of the race and this is their first argument. Team Mean can't get through 12 minutes. Speaking of them, Team Mean gets their clue and leaves. The Chipsters don't know where they're going, so Chip goes up to someone's house to ask for directions. Kelly & Jon try to do the same other other drivers. Team Who? finds the little sign for Off Road Rush and make the turnoff. At the Route Marker, they find that it's a Roadblock. In this Roadblock, one team member has to choose a race buggy and, along with a racing instructor, drive as fast as they can along a muddy and bumpy 7-mile course. As soon as they make it back to their partner, they'll be given their next clue. David gets suited-up and drives off. He did a really good job at a good rate of speed. Jon is still looking for directions to Julatten. The Chipsters find the turn-off. Chip decides to do the Roadblock. David hits the finish line in great shape, and gets the next clue from his instructor before he leaves the vehicle. Teams must now drive 50 miles to Ellis Beach. This picturesque beach at the edge of the Coral Sea is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. They drive off, but David has to readjust to driving the SUV instead of the buggy! Chip suits-up, gets in his buggy and takes off. It's like he doesn't know how to drive - he's all over the track. He barely keeps it on the marked dirt. He plows into a line of small trees along the right-side of a stretch of track and totally busts-up the steering. Team Who? is still driving back to the highway. The company sends a new buggy out to Chip so that he can complete the task, which he somehow does. Team Mean passes The Chipsters on the way in to Off Road Rush. Team Mean pulls the Roadblock clue at the Route Marker.Even tough Kelly really really really really really wants to do it (after all, it's her turn), Jon does it. The last thing Kelly says is "Be careful, Jon" as he spits out of the starting area. Yes, spits. He popped the clutch and stalled the buggy. More than once. He finally leaves. and he's a maniac. He's more like David than Chip, tough - it looks like he's in control at least. Jon screams into a tight left-hand turn and... the buggy rolls over!!! Kelly is screaming "Oh my God!!! Oh my God!!!" in a pitch that only dogs could hear. Crew people start running with walkie talkies into the dust cloud. There's a quick shot of a helmeted Jon trapped in the vehicle and then... commercial.

When we're back, we have an overhead shot from the helicopter camera and you can see how many people are running to to the crash site. People help Jon crawl out of the buggy and he's laughing his ass off! He's unscathed. Kelly is screaming "Jon! Why did you do that!" and she runs over and hits him! "What's wrong with you!" The crew rights the buggy and Jon climbs right back in. Of course, we don't see the instructor do that right away. He's probably trying to figure out if he wants to do this again. As they scream off, Kelly yells "Babe! Please be careful! I need you to win the million bucks!" Team Who? pulls into Ellis Beach and the run across the sand to The Amazing Bathmat. Phil proclaims that they're "Team Number 1" and they win a vacation to Europe compliments of American Airlines' website "which you can enjoy after the race". Phis now does post arrival interviews for the teams. We see Jon finish his task. He's still laughing and giggling like a schoolgirl. Kelly takes the clue and reads it. Kelly narrates that Jon is doing all of the things he wanted to do before he got married and "all this race did was help me out!" Chip asks Reichen "Am I that bad of a driver?" to which Reichen replies "I'm not answering." The Chipsters pull into te parking area and "look for Phil". More interviews. Kelly and Jon pull in and jog up the sand to Phil who tells them that they're the last team and this is not an elimination leg (big surprise). Kelly then tells Phil: "We came to one very sad conclusion today, that we cannot have children because we do not want them to inherit our stupidity." Another big surprise.

Next week: so here we are - the final leg (of what may be the FINAL BROADCAST OF THE AMAZING RACE if CBS doesn't get it's act together!!!)