We left the ballgame early.

I NEVER leave a game early. NEVER. The exception is the opportunity to see Jack.

We went over to his house. It took us only 10 minutes after we got out of Comiskey to get to their house. It was shocking.

Walking in the front door, I see my mom holding him. Diane met us at the door, holding back the crazy dog pack. I looked in and saw Melinda - she looks exhausted. She's almost looks angry, but it's got to be that she's trying to just hold it together after being extremely sleep deprived. Diane and Melinda are still trying to figure out the whole feed-change-sleep schedule thing. It's only been a week. Wow. We got to their house hours before Jack turned One Week Old.

Jack, like many infants, had Jaundice. He's been in a UV fiber optic light bundle for a couple of days, but today is his first day without the light treatment - his count is back down. I'll bet that's added to the fatigue scheduling problem they're having.

Found out something interesting. It turns out Jack lost 10 ounces this week. The Moms thought that if he was hungry, he'd be crying more. Made sense to me. Turns out we're wrong - when they're really young, they haven't figured out that they're hungry and they don't cry. You feed them on a schedule. Period. So they had to supplement with formula.

Apparently, Jack just loves the whole bottle thing. Less work than breastfeeding. So, the Moms asked their nurse about that. The nurse then tells them that, yes, boy babies are lazy and love bottles! Lazy! Don't want to work for their food!

Well, even though I should feel upset and stand up for men... I can't. I firmly believe that you shouldn't have to work for your food (probably why I love lobster and crab, but hate having to get the meat out of the legs, claws, body...) I think I sympathize...

We ordered-out for pizza - there was no way we would have them prepare a meal for us... not that they physically could do it.

I had a really odd thing happen to me tonight. Other than the few minutes holding Jack at the hospital last week, I've never really held a baby for an extended period of time. And I can't count last week because it was the first time to hold him and just look at him and feel those weird feelings that you're holding a relative. And you're just staring, and looking at his nose, his eyes, his chin, his ears...

So tonight, I had my first time with him, freshly fed. Those that know me know that I don't sit for long periods of time at all, so I stood and walked around with Jack. He really wasn't asleep. He was there sometimes, but then he was sort-of my awake without being awake. Sometime he would do this real quiet whimper. I would quietly whimper back at him in the same pitch and length. He would do it again and I would answer. It was like we were conversing... though nothing more than "I'm here" and "hi, I'm here too" like birds would do. We walked around for a while. I could see his eyes moving behind his eyelids, trying to figure out what his dreams may be like, since he's had such a limited life experience so far in tis one week.

And then it started.

I started getting anxious. Scared. It's that - oh my God, what am I doing... what if he wriggles out of my arms - how do I support his head - how do I make him more comfortable - watch where you're going - don't bump him into anything - what if he falls - am I doing this right - he looks smushed, am I carrying him right - my arm is just starting to burn, the kid's heavier than I thought - what if I don't have a good hold of him - should he be more flat or more upright - am I hurting him - can he breathe OK - I can't change positions, I'm deathly afraid of losing my hold of him - how can I turn him around. All of the things I want to just look at on his face and head and I'm losing the ability to record all of that information in heart and head because I'm just getting real uptight and worry and anxiety take over. Weird. It's never come over me like that before, but then again, it's not like I hold kids very often at all.

I know I'll get better at this. I'm his uncle, I just need a little work.

We left early after pizza. There's no way we're staying long today - these girls need their rest.

I wonder when I'll see Jack again?