I saw this at lotusinthemud. I wish I could find out where the original was. It's a typical End User License Agreement for the holiday season

Please accept -- with no obligation, implied or implicit, on behalf of the wisher or wishee -- my best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice, practiced within the traditions and/or religious or secular belief(s) of your choice and with respect for the traditions and/or religious or secular beliefs of others or for their choice to not practice traditions and/or religious or secular beliefs at all; and for a fiscally-successful, personally-fulfilling, medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of what is generally accepted as the new Gregorian calendar year, but with due respect for calendars of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great (which is not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country, nor that it is the only 'Britain' in the Northern hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, sexual orientation, political affiliation, or choice of computer operating system of the wisher.

DISCLAIMER
By accepting this greeting you are accepting the terms of the greeting and all responsibility associated with it. This greeting is subject to clarification and/or revocation at any time at the discretion of the wisher. This greeting is non-transferable without the express written consent of the wisher. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for him/herself or for others.

This greeting is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one Gregorian calendar year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. Warranty is limited to replacement of this greeting or issuance of a new greeting at the sole discretion of the wisher, who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress this greeting may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit. Reading of this disclaimer constitutes your acceptance of the greeting.