OK, I'm feeling slightly better today. Another "good busy" day at work. I have, however, injured myself and it's really hurting.

For those of you that know me, you know that people kid me because they think I have 9½ fingers (well, 7½ fingers at 2 thumbs). That's because I have a finger that only partially moves. I have a captured tendon in my left index finger that doesn't allow the finger to go straight. In fact, it only opens halfway. There's no pain, it's just that it doesn't fully extend. (The common term is "Trigger Finger" or Stenosing tenosynovitis.)

I did have surgery on it back in the 80's but it's happened again. (Did you know that for a local anesthetic they inject you in the webbing between your index finger and middle finger? Do you have any idea how much that hurts?) Actually it's been this way for a while. Like, oh, a decade. Muscles have atrophied and all I want to do is just streeeeeeetch this finger out... but I can't. You have any idea how much of a pain this is? I can't get my hand into my back pocket to get my wallet out. It's an extreme struggle put on gloves, and I can't put on a baseball glove at all (and that pisses me off). I can't use that finger at all for typing - and considering I've been in the IT industry for 25 years, I can tell you that it bothers me every day.

Now, remember, this also means the I can't lay my hand down flat. Now, imagine something I do every day in this job - moving up to 20 boxes of Dell Optiplex machines on a palette for transport and delivery. Sometimes 4 palettes at once. Oh, and I'm a bit short - I'm only as tall as 4 boxes on a palette - and the palettes get stacked 5 boxes high.

Do you have any idea how painful it is to get my finger smashed between a couple of boxes? Since the finger doesn't move, the pain is excruciating. And it doesn't go away, since you injure muscle and joint tissue.

Oh, I want this fixed... but I can't.

No money. We can't afford any (and I mean ANY) unusual expenses at all (lots of financial hurt for us right now). I just don't know how much longer I can take this. I know people keep saying "Well, you lived with this for so long, you can wait longer". I'm tellin' ya, I can't take it any more. I want my finger to unlock and move!

I even have the doctor picked out - it's Carol's surgeon that did her breast reconstruction surgery after her double mastectomy - believe it or not, he specializes in hand surgery.

All I want for Christmas is a new finger... a new finger... a new finger...