Just got finnished watching the private Sheryl Crow concert in the backyard of the Big Brother house over the internet. She only did three songs - All I Wanna Do, Soak Up The Sun, and Steve McQueen. But she had a full stage, lighting, her band, and it sounded absolutely great (it sounded like it was perfectly mixed). And to see the houseguests reactions was priceless. It'll be broadcast tomorrow night.

Went to that Schaumburg Flyers game tonight with Carol's company. After this afternoon, I didn't expect to have a good time, but I did. My absolute best memories of when I was a kid was going to White Sox games with my dad. So sitting in a ballpark tonight was way more therapeutic than I thought.

Damn damn damn damn damn....

As a kid there are a few things you don't want to hear about your parents.

A year ago I heard one of them. "Cancer." My dad had a laryngectomy. He no longer speaks and has a hole in his throat to breathe. He's just starting to use an electrolarynx to try to communicate.

Today I heard more words that you don't want to hear.

"Hospice Care" and "Six months".

Crap. The end is coming and I just can't put anything into words. I knew this day would come. I thought there was more time - time that can't be made up.

At least both of my parents handled all of this very well. Dad didn't want chemotherapy, so he knew the consequences. The cancer has spread to the lymph nodes around his neck. Chemo would just slow it down or maybe halt its growth. Is it worth it to be violently sick for month to extend your life by, what, maybe and additional 6 months? Delay the inevitable and be miserable? He has no pain, he hasn't lost weight, he doesn't have any breathing problems. He's just old - 88. There's no doubt about it in my eyes - he knows. He really liked the idea of hospice care, and he actually smiled when there was discussion of being at home "when the time comes". Mom just liked the concept of having people come to the house regularly and not having to go to Loyola on a regular basis.

Me - I'm numb. Everything inside my brain says this is right. I understand everything. It all makes sense. This is expected. This isn't a surprise.

Then why does my heart hurt?

Damn. I'm not up to 100% for sure. I'm starting to belive that I'm not at 75% either. Ugh. I've got to drive into the city to take my dad to the oncologist. Ugh.

If you enjoyed The Mole on ABC, word is out today that they have given the green light for a celebrity edition and a third regular-people edition. No word on if Anderson Cooper will be back as host.

On another note, I stumbled onto a picture of a reunion of most of the cast! Apparently they were in Las Vegas at The Palms. It appears that they take pictures of groups at the different venues there and post them on a website. I found the picture under the Ghostbar Photo Gallery for Saturday August 10. It's the last picture in the third row (it's a piece of the whole picture with Elavia and Bob).

Well, I feel better, not 100% though. Still have a weird knot in my stomach. Slept much better, too. And it looks like it's going to be a nice day outside today. Carol & I have a baseball game tonight (we're going to the Schaumburg Flyers game as her company outing). Sounds weird, but I want to get home early to watch the Sheryl Crow "concert" in the Big Brother house on the internet. Well, I'm not going to rush, and Carol does want to get home early, so it's not a big deal.